Love Languages

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We are all unique and experience the world in different ways. In order to communicate effectively we need to make sure that we are communicating information in a way that the other person understands.   So as it’s Valentine’s day why not think about how you and your partner like to give and receive love.

Typically we give love in that same way as we would like to receive it, however, this isn’t always the way our partner would appreciate it. So why not take a look at the five different ‘love languages’ below and identify how you and partner would prefer to be loved. It can make a big difference to your relationship.

love languages

1.  Words of Affirmation

Compliments, encouragement, affirmations and kindness.  This could include thanking your partner for doing something for you or telling them that their hair looks especially nice.  We all have areas in our life where we feel insecure, words of encouragement or affirmation can be very powerful resulting in the increased belief that we are loved.

2.  Quality Time

Undivided attention, shared activities, listening and sharing. Learning to actively listen is a key skill. Sometimes people just need to share feelings and solve their own problems. If your mind is problem solving for them you aren’t really listening, you are busy inside your own head. This really emphasises Hilary’s previous blog ‘Better than Sex’. Talking is also important and involves sharing your inner feelings, not just your thoughts or opinions. Generally if you can use the word ‘think’ instead of feel then it is not a feeling. For example ,’ I feel you drink too much,’  isn’t expressing a feeling, it’s expressing a thought. However, ‘I feel worried when you drink too much because I’m concerned for your health’ is sharing a feeling.

3.  Gifts

Gifts can be simple, extravagant, home-made or shop bought. They can be gifts of time or affection. Receiving a gift, whatever it is can make us feel valued. Giving gifts can also make us feel good and both the giving and receiving is extremely important for some people.

 4.  Acts of Service

Acts of service are about doing something that your partner would like you to do , not what you would like to do or think is important. Sometimes this may mean stepping outside of your normal routine and really thinking about what your partner would appreciate.  You may already cook dinner, clean the car, walk the dog but what don’t you do that your partner would appreciate a break from? Clean the bathroom, take the rubbish out or something else?

 5.  Physical Touch

Touch is a powerful way of communicating emotional love and is some peoples primary love language.  It can include things like hugs, holding hands, kissing, physical proximity, and yes, sex.

Communicating love to your partner in their preferred love language can transform a relationship.  If you are still not sure what it is why not ask them and do something special for them

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A very warm welcome to Sunray! Choosing the right therapist or coach is a key step in achieving whatever need brought you here, so I’ve done my best to provide you with what I hope will help you decide if I’m the right person for you. I love helping people become better at being themselves by letting go of anything that limits them or reduces their quality of life. My clients come with a wide range of problems or goals, probably including yours, so if you are committed to changing I can probably help.

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